Say No To The Amazing Spiderman 1 And 2: Tobey Over Garfield ANY Day Of The Week

I am just going to get straight to the point on this one, and yes it’s going to be another one of those fiery blogs, so I’m talking one from Sam Jackson when I say, “Hold on to your butts.” I absolutely despise The Amazing Spider-Man and its sequel. While I don’t think the first one is bad, I mean there are some pretty fun and beautiful moments, it doesn’t hold a candle to the original trilogy. The first film as well as its crap sequel (AND ESPECIALLY THE CRAP SEQUEL) completely diverge itself from who and what Spider-Man Truly is. They are rushed, forced, shameful, sloppy, and over dramatized films. I grew up with Sam Raimi’s original trilogy and by God, those are some classic films. Ok, I know what you’re going to say, and yeah Spider-Man 3 sucked, plain and simple. But aside from destroying Venom (At Least they had him in there unlike Rhino from the new film) and that infamous dance scene, Spider-Man 3 can be quite heartwarming, emotionally investing, and action packed. It’s basically the Godfather 3 of the series. The plot is meh, but the fights are pretty good and long live The Sandman!

I love Spider-Man and especially Spider-Man 2, with the latter being my favorite superhero film of all time. These films throw in a relatable hero, emotional moments,a clear narrative, sympathetic, yet threatening villains, and kick-ass action. As with my past blogs, I aim to state my feelings on why the new films suck,, when compared to the old ones. I know the old ones aren’t classics, and one can argue that they haven’t aged well, but at least they are memorable. Some of my nitpicks with the Sam Raimi ones, to make it short and sweet, are them being too corny, Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man being too much of a nerd and crybaby, and not enough utilization of Spider-Man’s webbing when it comes to fighting. This blog is also aimed to voice my outrage toward my favorite internet reviewer, The Nostalgia Critic, and his Spider-Man Trilogy Review. It’s probably his only review I dislike.

1. Too Much Rushing

The original trilogy made damn well sure to take its time in setting up this universe. Each minute played out was basically like a journey that Peter Parker, as well as the audience, was taking. It showed how he got his powers and how he learned to control himself, as well as the many steps he took to become Spider-Man. It began as a teenager’s dream of having something that could change their lives for the better. Peter Parker was a relatable teen who wanted to become cool. The audience felt how happy he was when he realized he could swing on webs as well as climb on walls, but they also felt sympathetic for him when he had to put aside his feelings for Mary Jane and stay away from her because he was Spider-Man.

The remake skips through this. He gets his powers in like five seconds flat. It isn’t shown how he comes to turn with them, but just what he can do. he shows no emotion or curiosity. It just rushed through the realization. When Andrew Garfield gets his powers in the new film, its a bitter mess. All the audience gets to see his him clumsily realizing that his hands stick to things. He breaks an alarm clock and performs tricks on his skateboard, that is it. There is absolutely no emotional connection.

Probably the most heartbreaking, disrespectful, and horrendous mistake is that of Uncle Ben’s murder. The original film shows how Peter could have prevented Uncle Ben’s murder. It shows him tormented and utterly broken about being the reason why his Uncle died. It tore him up at every second of the film, with this being the sole reason why he became Spider-Man. This problem, and his urge to tell his Aunt, last all three movies. Say what you want about 3, but at least there is a sense of closure. The remake is primarily, “Uncle Who?” Sure Peter is responsible for his death, but hunting down the killer last about five seconds of screen time. And in the sequel, it is all forgotten.

 

2. The Villains

Here’s something that The Nostalgia Critic got right: The villains in the original trilogy were awesome and memorable. Villains like Doc Ock, Green Goblin, and the Sandman all had a variety of sympathetic features as well as memorable lines. Each villain was memorable in his unique way. The audience felt sympathetic for Doc Ock because his dream and wife were both dead. They were then terrified by the monster he had become. The Sandman as well as the Green Goblin were also complicated characters intent on the greater good, but where sadly turned into monsters.

The Garfield films fail miserably. The villains like Electro and the Lizard try to be like the newer Batman films. They aim to be realistic and down to earth, but end up being goofy and out proportion. Notice that I’m not even going to talk about Paul Giamatti’s Rhino because he was in all but two seconds of the film. Hell, he wasn’t even call Rhino, let alone in the Rhino suit until the last minute of the second film. What these villains gets wrong is that they are the same cliched and generic villains. You don’t feel sorry for them at all. They are not good guys turned bad, but merely people turned differently.

And finally, my most hated part about these villains that I am sure literally everyone has heard come out of my mouth: THE FIGHTS SUCK. The fights in the original trilogy were realistic, brutal, fast, emotional, and most importantly, relatable. Why? Well unlike the new films, THEY ACTUALLY THREW A PUNCH. The Andrew Garfield fight scenes are like a very well choreographed dance. All there is in these fights are webs, just webs. Though I feel that the Maguire films should incorporate more webs, but beggars can’t be choosers. The original fights were hardcore and brutal.

Take when Peter Parker fights Doc Ock in Spider-Man 2, for example. The intensity of the fight is amplified because there are fists being swung and all sorts of kicks, groans, screams, and punching. This is simply relatable because this is what I would expect in a real world fight. Nothing seems rehearsed because a kid like Peter Parker would only fight like what his instincts would tell him to. He would punch. The meaningfulness of the fight only adds to its complexity when everything is at stake. Like this film and in the original, Mary Jane’s life is at stake. The more emotional and raw the fight turns out to be just pays it to the fact that everything is on the line. I just wish that the fights in the Tom Holland films will be relatable. I want to see what is actually happening on screen. The Garfield fight scenes were too rushed, fast paced and uneasy for any sane person to follow and comprehend. The camera movements were too fast, shaky, and dizzy to even appreciate.

3. The Main Message

Why are the original films so effective? I want you to take a minute, close your eyes, and think about what the main message of the first three films were? The message of Spider-Man is that with great power comes great responsibility. Even though Peter Parker is gifted with great powers, he must wield them carefully. This is why he breaks up with Mary Jane. As Spider-Man, he knows that he will garner enemies, so he doesn’t want to put Mary Jane in harms way. In Spider-Man 2, the message is that in order to do what is right, you must be steady and give up the things you want the most. Even though Peter Parker wants a normal life and to be with Mary Jane, he must put others in front of himself. The third one may be bad, but it brings forth the message of choosing to lead a life of good or evil. We all have a choice and this metaphor is what drives the entire series.

Now close your eyes and tell me what the messages in the Amazing Spider-Man 1 and 2 are? Can’t think of any? Well good, because there are none. The original films made it easy and relatable when it came to the messages as well as feelings that they were to address. It was easy for the audience to identify with the situations of the plot and characters because of how easy they were to spot. They were also strong morals to follow. One could argue that the message of The Amazing Spider-Man was a more complex version of with great power comes great responsibility (I’m serious, watch the film, Uncle Ben could of easily said “With Great Power…” but ends up saying something too long and confusing to remember), but then the movie fails. Peter Parker dumps Gwen Stacey in order to protect her only because her father said so. He then turns around and dates her again, only for her to die. Sorry if I ruined the movie for anyone. And now the part i have been dying to type. I would have put this last point in all caps just so I could express my anger. Why do I hate the Amazing Spider-Man films so much?

4. ANDREW GARFIELD AS PETER PARKER!!!!!!

ANDREW GARFIELD IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE WORST PETER PARKER AND THE WORST SPIDER-MAN. He is also the world’s worst role model for children. If I ever had kids then I would ban them from seeing these films. First of all, Andrew Garfield doesn’t reflect the Peter Parker persona. To begin, even with Tobey, there really was never a sense of a real Peter Parker. For example, who would you say is the real Tony Stark Captain America? Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Evans. My point is that even though I love Tobey Maguire, there is room for a better and even more memorable version of Peter Parker. I love the original, but come on, he cries and mopes way, WAY too much.

Andre Garfield may look like Peter Parker, but he is far from exhibiting the true essence of Peter Parker. He is too cool for Peter Parker even before the spider bite. There was no sense of him being a nerd or outsider aside from constant stuttering. He seems more like a clumsy moron than a hero. His hair is constantly perfect and he looks like the cook kid in school. I mean this guy rides a skateboard with such pride that it almost knocked me out. There was nothing that made this Parker stand out or have the audience become emotionally invested with the character.

Probably the biggest problem that I had with Andrew Garfield is, if you’d excuse the language, that he is sheer and total asshole as the character. I understand that Spider-Man is a smart-ass,but that does not mean that he can make people feel like garbage. I am being 100% true. There are so many times in these films when Andrew Garfield feels as if he’s just acting out and being a real jerk rather than trying to save the day. He’s constantly putting people down. There’s this one scene in The Amazing Spider-Man when Spider-Man is all up in this police officer’s face and making him feel like total garbage when it comes to his job. It’s far from sarcastic and fun and more like dark and hurtful. As a parent would you really feel comfortable having this jackass as someone that your child looks up too? Please, don’t make me sick. Stan Lee should be ashamed.

My favorite example of how and why Andrew Garfield is destroying Spider-Man, comes from a pivotal scene from The Amazing Spiderman 2. This scene has Electro recently discovering the harmful effects of his electric powers in the middle of times square.

(Jump to 3:45-3:55 for the example)

This scene shows Spider-man meeting Electro for the first time. It is clear to everyone and Peter Parker that Electro is lost, confused, and scared. Instead of, oh I don’t know, um, helping the guy an calming him down, what does he do?! Spider-Man, you know what, screw it! This is not Spider-Man! This is garbage! This is a huge smack in the face to fans. This is disrespectful and harmful. From now on I’m going to call this guy Garfield. I’m doing this because that’s the actors name and he reminds me of the cat. He’s lazy, never helpful, and only cares for himself. Ok, where was I? Oh..Here I was. Instead of calming Electro down, Garfield mocks the poor guy right to his face. It’s like he’s trying to get a laugh out of the people watching from afar (Oh and who the hell puts ups barriers for people to see, in a potentially dangerous situation? This also happens at the “Rhino Fight”). What is so hurtful and sickening is that there are men, women, and children at risk form a guy with electric powers. Electro already has shown what he can do with his powers by literally burning a hole the size of a melon in some guy’s chest. The only good thing was the theme music was pretty good.

Would you want this “hero” saving you? My point is that Garfield doesn’t think correctly when playing a superhero. He is cruel, mocking, greedy, and selfish. I can almost thank the lucky stars that there are no more superhero films starring Garfield. I just want to also quickly point out the fact that Garfield quits being Spider-Man for like two minutes in Part 2, whereas Tobey Maguire quits for like a quarter of the film. The Dark Knight Rises also makes a similar mistake.

Peter Parker’s girlfriend has just been murdered by the “Not” Green Goblin. Instead of staying Spider-Man and becoming intent on making sure this doesn’t happen to anyone else, what does Garfield do? He proves that he is still a winy baby and goes off crying for five months. Spider-Man 2 works perfectly when Peter Parker quits being Spider-Man because it was not what he wanted. This was also something that The Nostalgia Critic talked about that I disagreed with. Peter Parker quits not because it was too hard for him, but because it was a life he didn’t choose. This reinforces the humanity in the character when he learns the lesson of doing the right thing one must give up the things they want the most. Peter Parker wants a perfect life with Mary Jane, but his alter ego prevents it. This tale of morality emphasizes what it’s like to be a superhero. It is all about empathy and relatability. My last argument is more so the character rather than how Garfield carries it out so it’s not as bad of a mistake.

Needles to say, I hate, hate, hate, hate, despise, loathe, and HATE these films. There are a variety of other annoyances like Emma Stone as Gwen Stacey, plot holes, and pacing, but the ones stated above were the ones that really, really grind my gears.

(These images were respectively taken from Google images as well as the video above being taken respectively from YouTube).